Not Washed or Cooked, # 309

From Just Liam comes this mind-boggling mangle. As is isn’t possible to determine how vacancies are uploaded and by whom, the perpetrator is not apparent, although the bonus mangle, from the same page, must certainly be the university’s own text:

Link: Indeed, ‘Instructor or Assistant Professer: UMD Department of History’

Professer; Smoking, chewing tobacco and the use of electronic cigarettes is prohibited

Other Englishes, # 5

This from Just Liam, who remarks: ‘I can’t comment on the translation, but come on! Get a native English-speaking person to proofread!’ Some of the errors here, such as the use of the conditional mood where the future tense is needed, are not uncommon among those taught English in Asia; others, such as the misused apostrophe, are not uncommon among those taught English in England… Some of the errors, however, are more puzzling:

The translation on the front label is not entirely satisfactory either:

thefinest; pour into boiling water on the proportion; would for will; it’s for its; poer for pour; ‘soup’!; served repeatedly for 3–5 times; avoid a long time infusion; Chinese Famous Tea

Double-take, # 167

Just Liam is understandably puzzled by the use of the verb in this newspaper placard in York:

The idea of spontaneity, which requires the construction ‘catches fire’, seems here to have been confused with the idea of agency, ‘is set on fire’. Oxford Dictionaries (fire, 11) confirms that the use of ‘set’ in relation to ‘fire’ needs both a specific preposition and an object, either in the form of ‘set fire to something’ or ‘set something on fire’.

The publication that issued the placard is simply called The Press. The wording is not replicated at the top of the online story, where there is no headline at all, but instead a rather odd and archaic sweep of key points (with rather odd and archaic random capitalization) separated by dashes:

Link: The Press, ‘Bus fire in York […]’

bus engine sets on fire

Double-take, # 163

Just Liam spotted this at the Coventry Pride event last weekend:

missing punctuation; visit this lady, she will reveal all

Double-take, # 148

This comes from Just Liam:

He remarks: ‘Tell me if I’m wrong, but I don’t want to be sexuring any candles if I’m not supposed to be doing so.’ Indeed. I wonder if the ambiguous capitalized instruction is intended to work as a subliminal message…

sexure for secure

Not Washed or Cooked, # 123

Following on from yesterday’s introduction to DBA theatre [sic] by Just Liam, today’s mangles come from a page on the company’s ‘School Enrichment Programme’, where the ‘Secondary Enrichment Programme’ offers

These include:

Link: DBA theatre | School Enrichment Programme | School Enrichment Programme

Quite apart from the patchy punctuation and inconsistent presentation of possessives, a theatre company that cannot spell Artaud and Stanislavsky (or Stanislavski) does not inspire confidence.

Another page — The ‘SEN Enrichment Programme’ — cuts off the final sentence (‘We also offer workshops for days suc’) with a badly-positioned slide show.

It doesn’t take long to spellcheck, proofread and polish, but no-one’s done any of it here.

Artoud, Boals; Stanisklavsky; punctuation; apostrophe

Not Washed or Cooked, # 123

This is the first of a two-part mangle submitted by Just Liam and taken from the webpages of DBA (‘dream.believe.achieve’) theatre. Today’s clip comes from the information page of the theatre’s Owner and Creative Director, who ‘has been offered a place at Warwick University to complete a Masters in Drama and Theatre Education’:

Link: DBA theatre | Meet the Team | Olivia Medlock, Owner and Creative Director

experiance; colleauge

Double-take, # 53

Taking the concept of ‘mangling English’ in a slightly different direction, Just Liam tactfully identifies this submission as an item found on the menu of ‘a very respectable local hotel’:

vanilla analgise

Handritten, # 2

Spotted in Spon Street, Coventry, by Just Liam, further evidence of the English language’s cruelty to non-native speakers: