You Cannot Be Serious, # 2

Below a 'college freshman' (I think this means a first-year student at a North American high school, college of further education, or university) is requesting 'help' — actually to have a whole report or essay written for him (or her: 'freshman' seems to cover all gender options) — from eNotes.com, 'an educational resource used by millions of teachers and students', offering 'study guides, lesson plans, quizzes with a vibrant community of knowledgeable teachers and students to help you with almost any subject'… for a monthly or annual fee.

The freshman's homework (sampled below) was supplied by someone describing him/herself as a 'Teacher Graduate School Honors'. Wikipedia confirms this means someone doing (or perhaps having completed) an advanced degree.

Prepare to spit your coffee over your keyboard:

 Link: eNotes, 'Santan's speeches'